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Light in the Darkness

Midnight Magic Day Lily
Midnight Magic Day Lily
John Collier 1892
                                                     Lilith in art through the ages

Everything I've read from other authors concerning Lilith seems to be true. I have to part ways with them, though,  on one very important point. Nearly all present Lilith as a negative force.1  I don't believe any energy out there, whether it is in the form of a body in the universe or myth, is only positive or negative. We choose how to use those energies and that is where the highest or lowest potential comes in.
Almost Indecent lily
It is my observation that Lilith represents  all that is repressed, not understood, all that has at one time been pure but became distorted, either by the native or society at large. The native may immersed in the dark or be the source of light in the dark places. Which one can often be seen by the natal aspects and transit events but sometimes the native plays both roles.                                                                                                                                                                         Almost Indecent

Back in 1995 I listened to a tape series loaned to me of the Solar Heart Conference. One of the speakers asked the question,
"What is your greatest fear?"
There was a long pause and suddenly the answer came to me as I waited his next words.
My greatest fear is that, I, as a part of the female half of the species, am responsible for the fall of mankind.
I felt that because I am a woman, I may have inherited the burden of being responsible for all the horrible things humans have done.  According to the way my grandpa and all the other Christian ministers I've ever heard preached,  Eve was the cause of it all because she disobeyed God and Adam, and because of her we are all born as fallen angels. So through her, I might be responsible for death. I may be responsible for all of the thousands of people killed as the Jews took the promised land, as the Crusaders spread the word of the Gospel, and all of the thousands of Jews killed in the holocaust.

As these thoughts formed in my mind my tears flowed as they never have before, cleansing generations of embedded teachings. This was the beginning of my search for the truth. I know I would never initiate any of those horrible things and my intention is always to do good. I know that this beautiful universe could only have been created with love and truth. But Love, God, what ever power that created all that is, could not, if that energy was love, condemn any part of that creation. Love unites, it doesn't divide.
Or if it does divide,
it is a prime vibration that can only be divided by one and itself, so it remains whole.

Love is the oneness of all that is.
The speaker continued,
What if your greatest fear is your most forgotten love?"
Basically, I think he was saying that our greatest fear was originally love and it was pure. But somewhere along the way it got turned backwards, upside down or distorted in some way. So I pondered, what could the story of Eve have been before it got distorted, if that is what happened?
What is the Love
that my
Fear wants to reveal?

So began my search. One of my first discoveries was in reading with new eyes, the opening verses of Genesis, read many, many times, but a very important point overlooked.  

Suddenly my eyes were opened.The instruction from God to Adam was to not eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The scripture only mentions him saying this to Adam, not to Eve. So what does Adam do? Rather than humble himself is simple obedience to God he passes this restriction on to Eve. He isn't going to allow her a privilege he doesn't have. But not only that, he adds an extra restriction telling her God said not only to refrain from eating that fruit, she must not even touch it.

I think it is possible that the serpent (a term used for the kundalini-sexual force in the body and also a term used for the adept) may have been Lilith. Who would be better fit to advise Eve of the truth? Who would know Adam's ways better that her? The serpent told Eve, "Surely God would not say that to you. He knows that if you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will discern good from evil".  Notice that "evil", spelled backwards is live. Hebrew is read backwards from English or Latin and many of our root words are Hebrew Chaldean root words, spelled backwards.

So Eve tells Adam, "See, I didn't die and the fruit is really good". Adam eats the fruit even though God told him not to. Of course, his eyes were opened and he became self conscious and hid himself, or tried to. When God confronted him he blamed Eve, and then blamed God by saying he is the one that gave her to him.

Notice that Adam's punishment for disobedience is a lifetime of hard labor working the soil for his sustenance. Eve's punishment, on the other hand is only a short time of labor during childbirth. Isn't it interesting that throughout most of history the women not only carry out the labor of the household and family responsibilities but also, quite often put in hours outside of the home and family. At least that has been true in my family. The man puts in his 8 hours and the woman keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny. But still, the woman is not considered equal because she doesn't bring in as much money as the man, she may have to leave work to attend to her child or to give birth.

So perhaps the love trying to return to me is the fact that we women are actually the saviors of mankind. If Eve hadn't taken that fruit into her body birth wouldn't be possible. If the story was written as intended, the real truth is that Adam was given one simple restriction. He apparently wouldn't accept the limit placed on him and lied to Eve to make himself feel more important. In the end his punishment was worse and Eve was blessed with being a mother.

Let's suppose the fruit is actually the fruit of the body, and Lilith or the serpent is the representative of the higher form of the subconscious or the super conscious, with Eve representing the subconscious mind, created to be in submission to Adam. That would make Adam representative of the conscious mind, the one with free will. This would account for God only telling Adam not to eat the fruit. First of all, Adam is not formed in such a way as to be able to accept the seed and bring it to fruition. That role is intended for the woman.  So, of course, he would have this natural limitation placed on him. But in his stubbornness, he wouldn't accept having limits that were greater than his mate. So he willfully lied to her. Now, if we feed our subconscious a lie, doesn't it make sense if we were created by the Great Power that is Love, that the lie would certainly be exposed at some point? 

Think about it. If you are told all your life that you are a dog, are fed dog food, walked on a leash like a dog, you would probably believe it and  act like a dog. But at some point you will be able to see your reflection, figure out that is you and realize you aren't a dog. Or the lie will be exposed in another way. And at the same time you will probably discover that the lie was perpetuated because the one telling the lie was afraid of loosing Love because of a lie he believed.

Another possibility is that Adam didn't lie but misunderstood and exaggerated what God said as he transferred the message to his sub-conscious, Eve. Now the sub-conscious is able to receive data from both the conscious mind and from the universal mind, God. Perhaps this is the role Lilith played. She was the original perfect mate for Adam but he wasn't satisfied because he couldn't dominate her. Perhaps this is where the real separation from God began.

Let's take this one step further. Let's assume that in the beginning man was threefold, male, female, god, corresponding to conscious, subconscious, super-conscious. There was no need for birth or death, beginnings or endings. Then there was war within the 3-fold self.  The male self would not submit to a different role than the female self, considering different less than equal.  So he placed on his female self the same but greater limits as his male self, causing separation between the three parts of himself. Ever since, male has been separate from female, being dominant over, and severed from his higher-self, God. Reunion is only possible when the male-female is first united and integrated.

Lilies of the Field and Dwellers of the Red Sea

I think it is important that Lilith's name closely resembles the flower name lily. The Hemerocallis is the common day lily, whose flowers are eatable, only lasting for a day. This fits easily with Lilith's children being taken at the rate of a hundred a day as a small patch of day lilies could easily produce that many flowers. The day fits with their lifespan. When I think about the species name, hemerocallis, I, for some reason, reverse the m and r, thinking it is hermocallis, connecting it with Hermes, in my mind. A Hermaphrodite contains both sexes. There may be a connection as he has a direct link to the gods, being a messenger and also, ruling Virgo, in the form of Mercury, he is connected to health, and food such as the daylily.
Lily Almond Fluff
Notice the similarity between flowers and female genitalia, especially noticeable in Almond Fluff, below.

Hemerocallis... The prefix hemo- means blood, reminding me that Lilith dwelled by the Red Sea. I'm sure Lilith would like to reveal the truth about the "unclean" stigma attached to the menses also. Hemi- means half. Hmmm..... The beginning of the menstrual period marks on half of the female monthly cycle with ovulation marking the other half.

Red Sea
The Red Sea
The Red Sea could very well symbolize the menstrual blood. This body of water is too saline to allow survival of fish, the salinity level being 36-38%. It may have gotten the name from Edom, the alternate name for Esua (brother of Jacob) and the name of the nearby mountains. Edom and Adam means, "to show blood" or "ruddy complexion".  It could have also been named for the color of the plant life there, Trichodesmium ertyhraeum,  a blue green algae, when in bloom. It is one of nature's most powerful nitrogen fixers. But it is also considered by some scientists as a toxin and respiratory health threat.

Trichodesmium sp.
Trichodesmium sp
Reprinted with permission from
John Patchett
(University of Warwick),
Mark Schneegurt
(Wichita State
During this same time period I had a dream which was mostly audio. I heard the words, "If you add a letter...  you connect the stomach, intestines, kidneys and liver, and you have Justice." Seeing the name "Jesus" written is the only visual this dream had. Now I first thought about the fact that his name in Latin is Iesus, with I instead of J.  In the original Greek it is Iesous. This led to research on the alphabet and the origins. I discovered that the ancient Chaldean and Hebrew alphabet used the same letter for I and Y, the yod, and  there was no J. In fact, even Latin had no J at first. The Greek alphabet developed from Hebrew and Latin developed from the Greek. J was added in the 1300s and is the stronger, more forceful version of I and Y. I also discovered that Iesous is the shortened, contracted form of Joshua, which means, "Yah saved" or Ya freed".  (Y, H & V are the letters in the Holy Tetragammation of God's name)(Yasha, spelled yod-shin-ayin, means to be open, wide or free) . So you could say Joshua means "God opened". 
Joshua is spelled in Hebrew, Yod, Hey, Vau, Shin, Vau, Ayin or sometimes spelled the same with the final Vau omitted.  The name is built on the letters of the most Holy name of God, YHV, plus shua or shwa.

Notice that Vau is our word for a promise. U, v & w are all the same in the original alphabet, vav or vau It means "nail" and is used as a connecting prefix at the beginning of a word meaning "and". Most often it takes on the u or w sound in the body of a word, v at the beginning. Notice also, that the final part of Joshua's name spells shwa, our English schwa, written in phonetic spellings as an upside down e. Shva is the Hebrew vowel mark written as a colon (:) under the letter of the syllable it is pronounced with.  It has  weak, unstressed or silent sound in English.

In  Hebrew the sheva has a short, slurred sound at the beginning of a word,  but is always silent when at the end of a word. When the sheva appears alone in the middle of a Hebrew word it usually marks the end of that syllable and is not pronounced. So the only time it is heard at all is when at the beginning, in the first syllable.  In the name Joshua, it would be instructing the reader to not speak the name of God.

Only dots and dashes are used to signify vowel sounds in Hebrew because the vowels are considered the breath of God. Often only consonants are used in their writing. They never used the vowel marks with the Holy name of God because they didn't want the common person to have access to the true name and it's power. Now no one is sure how it is pronounced.

In the form Iesous, eta is the Greek form the Hebrew hey, so we have I (or Y) E(H),  S,  O and the final Greek masculine ending, us; Ye-so-us. Hmm, just a coincidence? The H is missing next to the s to make sh. The Hebrew has two letters representing the  s sound; the samech which is always the s sound and the shin, which is the letter belonging here. Shin takes an s sound when the little dot is on the left of the letter and takes the sh sound when the dot on the right. I can't figure out how you would form the sh sound with the Greek alphabet. They adopted the Hebrew H as the eta but dropped the breath. There is an s but no sh. I wonder how they invoke silence. If anyone reading this knows, please e-mail me at

So there are two possible letters this dream is referring to. One is J being added as the stronger I and Y sound. The other possibility is the H being added to S.

In English numerology, Jesus=11, the number of Justice. But the dream said, "If you add a letter" as if it hadn't been added yet. Before J was added it would have been Iesus. That adds to 19, the number of the Sun which reduces to 1, the one and only "begotten". If the missing h of the shin is added, we now have 19+8 (the number of karma, strength and courage, sometimes called lust. The new total is 27, reducing to 9, the final step. His last words recorded were, "It is finished".

Iesous in English adds to 25/7 as do the letters in the Chaldean number system. Iesous in the original Greek adds to 885 which adds to 21. The 21st letter in the Hebrew Alphabet is shin, the S in Joshua. It's number is 300, which reduces to 3 just like 885.

Joshua in Hebrew adds to 19 also. The shortened form adds to 13. His 12 disciples centered around him as the 13th.

There is a man in the new testament named "Justus", son of Jesus. Justus=11 also.

Have you noticed all the prime numbers? 3, 7, 11, 13, 19...

With the body parts I heard in the dream I saw the connection to Cancer, Moon, Virgo, Mercury, Libra, Venus, Sagittarius and Jupiter. So here we connect the partners, husband and wife with the signs of service and motherhood. I wonder if this was a prediction of the coming change in the planetary status and possible adjustment of astrological rulerships.

I only heard the word justice, it may have been Justus, the son of Jesus mentioned in the Bible. Who knows, it may have even been "just us".

Within 2 years of this dream, I had separated from my husband of 26 years and was accused being an unfit mother for it when I filed divorce. Perhaps this dream was a warning that the wife would be accused of being a bad mother because she refused to submit any longer.

The letter that is missing? If it is Shin, the fang of the serpent in the Hebrew alphabet, then it is judgment which penetrates like a tooth cuts, permeating with wisdom. Sh is formed from combining samech, the support, post or prop with hey, the window that gives sight. S in the form of samech is #60. Shin is #300. 300+60=360, coming full circle. Now a window is also a door because it is an opening. If you can see the support, the cross, the door is open. Hey is the Hebrew number 5. This is the number of freedom, variety and expression. Joshua means God frees us and the h is the way to see it.  Silence (invoked by the sound sh along with phonetic rules such as with shwa) is like an acid that eats away every thing false so the truth can be absorbed and revealed.  I've noticed that I receive the most clear truth when I am writing rather than speaking. In silence truth is revealed to me. And the truth shall set us free.
It is my opinion that Lilith shows us what our greatest fear is so that we may discover our most forgotten love that has been slandered, twisted, turned Brocaded Gown lilybackwards or in on itself. She holds the key to our redemption. She may touch on issues of gender roles, sexuality, equality, shame, loss, anything that takes us away from love and our God in its purest form. She wishes to expose the lies that have kept us from love and light.
Brocaded Gown

"Lilith"; Babal Decoded

January 26, 2007

The name is Hebrew, Lilith, ( from Akkad. Lilitu, which is connected by folk etymology with Hebrew laylah "night.") The original Hebrew lylh (lah-ye-lah), lyluth (lay-loath and lee-leeth) come from the Chaldean meaning "night" and is a masculine word. But more specifically, its root means to fold back or twist, such as a spiral or winding stair. It becomes night by the twisting away of (or from) the light.

One of the most interesting places the word lilith is found in the Old Testament is in
Isaiah 21: 11-12. An oracle concerning Dumah;
Someone calls to me from Seir,
Watchman, what is left of the NIGHT?
The watchman replies, Morning is coming, but also the NIGHT.
If you would ask, then ask; and come back yet again."

Now dumah means just what you might guess, to be dumb or silent. It is spelled Dmh. It happens to be a word play on Edom. Edom is really Esau, the one who had his birthright stolen by his brother, Jacob. Esau means rough or hairy. Edm is spelled ADM, yes that's Adam, meaning red, ruddy, carnelian. Notice if you cut the word in half , put the first last and the last, first, you reverse the word and you have dumah. This is the same as Jacob being last born and being put first, taking Esau's position of firstborn, putting him last. It appears that in Isaac's old age he couldn't see well. Jacob, the supplanter, took advantage of this and the fact that his brother was silent or "dumb" and couldn't speak. He put on a goatskin, went before his father and received the blessing of the firstborn.  This trait carried through the generations with Joseph's sons being reversed also.

Seir is S(h)OYR (say-eer) meaning rough. It comes from (saw-eer) meaning hairy, goat-like. It is also interpreted to mean satyr or even devil.

As the Matriarchy gave way to the Patriarchy, most of the goddess figures were demonized. Over time, 'Astarte', the feminine principle of the Babylonians became 'Astoreth',  a new 'name' containing the vowels of the word 'boshet' meaning 'worthless' or 'unclean', thus, by speaking the name Astoreth people were actually blaspheming it. Esther of the Jewish Old Testament, is another form of Ishtar or Astarte. Our word, "estrus" comes from here. Likewise, 'Anu' the Celtic sky-goddess was transformed into 'Black Annis', a repulsive old crone who lived in the Dane Hills of Leicestershire and ate children. I've learned to not accept anything with out doing my own research and soul searching.

So lilith is a  light spiraling or reversing into darkness. According to the way I  read the Genesis account of creation, it all took place in the darkness. Each  "day" of creation is described and closed with, "...and it was evening and morning... and God saw that it was good." I'm sure if I had access to other ancient writings and the means to decipher them, I'd see the same things hidden within the text. The confounding of the languages didn't keep the ancients from communicating in a way we could understand. Language just developed an evolutionary path that could hide and therefore protect the ancient truths from being completely withheld. One way this was done, is to bring in many of our English root words as Hebrew, Chaldean or other ancient roots, reversed.

Lets look at the original Hebrew letters spelling Lilith, written from right to left:
Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet is also a word with meaning and is also used as a number. The word lilith consists of:

ל lamed; ox goad, (the letter to the far right), #30, function; work activity
י yod; right hand (the right hand, open), #10, function; sex, union
ל lamed; same as above, #30
י yod; same as above, #10
ת tau; the final letter meaning mark, cross or signature,  #400, function; power/slavery

Tau, also called tav or tov carries two sounds, t and th, depending on whether it has a degash, dot, in its bosom. It has been used in its Greek form as a mark used as a sign of repentance and marks have been used to brand slaves or other property. Tau used to be a symbol of life and resurection, where theta was a symbol of death. In its Aramaic form it looks a lot like our n. It the Phoenician form from which the Hebrew grew, it was a simple X, clearly a cross and the symbol used to sign one's name if illiterate.

The total value is 480 which reduces to 12/3, the number of reversal or the undoing of what has been done, just as the night reverses the day and the autumn reverses the spring, guaranteeing  the cycles never end. This repeating is shown also, through the repeat of lamed and yod, the work of the right hand.  Lamed just so happens to be the 12th letter. The oxgoad us used to entice the ox-aleph-the first letter, to multiply, as the ox represents movable wealth with the ability to multiply a thousandfold.

Taking it a step further, with letter pey, פ (prounced pay and meaning mouth or tongue) being #80 and tau being #400 we have the word PTH (path) meaning a bit, as a morsel, a piece. We also have PTH (poth)  coming from a root meaning to open. It means a hole, hinge as the female pudenda, secret part. We could say we have the signature of the tongue or mouth and could be the key to unlocking the mysteries of Babal.  It is also interesting that pe at the end of the word has a value of 800 but it is rarely used in this way. Instead in gematria, to Tavs would be used. So, it is more common to use the mouth early on and end the deal with two signatures rather than save the talking for the end maybe?

Let's take it one step further in looking at the Tau, ת which is a combining of two previous letters, teth, ט and hey, ה.  Hey is the window which is a hole made in order to let light in, to see out of, and is #5. The letter is the same form as Tau except the left leg is open, leaving a window between it and the hinged looking part. On the end of word it usually indicate the word is feminine.  Teth means serpent and is #9. Notice that the teth looks like the Tau with one leg turned into itself and turned upside down. So the final step in the ancient alphabet is a combination of closing the window to see the serpent reversed, with his tail uncoiled. I had a dream one time, so clear. A serpent was climbing my north window, suddenly let loose and spiraled in mid air.

Teth amazingly looks like a sculpture I spent much time staring at while taking brakes from my cousins bedside in the hospital while she was going through several amputations on her right leg.  While standing at the foot of her bed looking at the blackened, dying flesh on her foot I noticed the area was the same shape as the bronze sculpture outside the hospital entrance. The sculpture is entitled, "Place of mighty healing", written in Latin. I remember noticing how much the sculpture (and now, teth) looks like the human body from the waist to the thigh turned upside down. But perhaps, more likely, it is the belly and groin as we look at ourselves from inside our own body. It would also be the child's viewpoint seeing his mother during birth.  Her thighs would be at his head.

Check back soon for the rest of the story.

Since this writing I have read one author with an approach similar to mine, that of Kim Falconer in assessing transiting Chiron conjunct Lilith.
Visit to draw your chart with all the Liliths included.

#1181 asteroid
h13 Osculating Lunar Apogee ("True" Lilith / Black Moon)
h21 Interpolated Lunar Apogee (Lilith), also called 'Natural Apogee'
h22 Interpolated Lunar Perigee (Priapus), also called 'Natural Perigee'
h58 Waltemath Black Moon

And while you're at it, you might want to include
h56 Selena/White Moon

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